Monday, August 15, 2016

One Week

One week since he died. 

I made it through the day without sobbing or even any actual tears. Loads of almost tears, but more of a bittersweet feeling than actual heartbreak. 

The farm is so different without him. It's quieter. 

We called him "The Princess" for a reason. Everything was always about Spider, and if it wasn't all about Spider he would find a way to make it all about him. 

The farm is quieter, maybe because the spark has gone out. 

I suppose we need to ignite that spark again. I don't know if I'm up to that yet, but I get a little closer every day.  


  1. It takes time - a lot of time - and then more time. In some ways, that intermediate time - after you're over the immediate shock, but well before you're out of the deep grief - can be the hardest. Some people, especially those who are not horse people, think you should be "getting over it" and become impatient with you. But you never get over it - it becomes part of you and your horse's story and getting that worked out, worked "into" you, takes as much time as it takes. Cherish the memories . . .

  2. I would echo what Kate said. I cannot speak of Steele's passing without tears and it has been over 18 months.

    It's difficult when the place that is your refuge is now also the source of your grief. I found that I had to just keep on my schedule and with time the ease that the barn provided returned. Losing a being that you love is not smething you get over, it's something that you learn to carry.

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  5. I lost a dog six weeks ago. I don't cry every day now, but I still have moments when I feel like it. I also have many many moments when a memory of him pops into my head, and I miss him. I remember when the last dog I had died, and it was six months or more of grieving. It's funny how losing a dog, or horse or cat can make you feel like life is empty.

  6. Kate said it so well. Don't rush it; let grief take its course. Spider was a very special horse and he will remain in your heart forever. I still can't talk about Starman without choking up, and we lost him years ago.

  7. I just found your blog, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am you lost Spider... I lost my first horse to colic 10 years ago, & the pain of that still sneaks up on me & makes me cry.

    I also want to say, I'm glad that you will (eventually) get another horse. It makes me sad when people say, Oh I'll NEVER have another horse, he/she was irreplaceable! Well, of course they are irreplaceable, but that doesn't mean that you can't love another horse.

    You are in my thoughts.

  8. Take your time. When you're ready, the right thing will come along.

  9. Hugs. Animals fill a void in our lives we don't know we have until they are there, making our lives fuller. The more personality, the more they imprint themselves upon us. Spider was a big personality.

  10. One day, you will decide you can finally say "goodbye" and send his spirit on its way, ever in your heart, but free of your grief. Take the time you need to heal. You will know when it's time to live this new life to its fullest.


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