Wednesday, December 2, 2015

"Drama Free"

I'll admit that I spend way too much time on the internet, particularly on equine related sites, but it's totally because I'm marketing clinics and shows for my local USDF GMO and not because I'm addicted to the daily soap opera that is social media.

*cough, cough*

I've noticed an interesting trend: If someone specifically states they "don't want drama", they're always the first ones to start with the drama.

"zOMG! Sooooo, I'm not like, a dramatic person, but I was at this barn and they don't feed the feed I like, should I call ASPCA?"

"Looking for a new barn for the third time this month because all these barn owners suck! This one wouldn't let me throw all the other boarders out of the arena and barn aisle when I needed to use them and refused to feed my horse 16 times a day! Ugh!! So much drama! Need suggestions for a DRAMA FREE barn!

"I have a 2 yr old  mare with navicular, kissing spine, cow hocks and a club foot. She's not rideable, so I'm going to breed her. Looking for a good stallion, no drama, only nice posts please!"

"What do you guys think about putting draw reins on a gag bit? Not looking for drama, no negative comments, plz!!!!!!"

Having been working with horses since before the internet was a thing, I can tell you that this is not just an internet manifestation. It's always been there, and there's always been a lot of it, it's just that now we can see all of the drama, in all its bat shit crazy glory, because we're all more connected than we used to be. Back in the stone age, I only had to deal with 1 or 2 drama llamas on a daily basis, but now I get to see it magnified 100 fold because everybody's Daily Drama Llama is posting on the internet.

Now, I'm not exactly complaining about that. My circle of people that I can interact with on a daily basis has also increased 100 fold thanks to social media, and therefore I can reach more people and ideas than I ever could before. That's really awesome! But, I still could do with less Drama Llama. So, here's a handy guide to help all the "drama free" people actually be drama free on the internet and in life:

1) If you have to apply the statement, "No drama, please!" in any form (this includes the phrases: "I don't want to start trouble/a thing/make anybody mad", "I'm not a dramatic/confrontational/judgmental person"and "I'm just saying"),  you already know damn well that whatever you're saying is going to start shit and you're just stirring the pot. Either own the fact that you're going to start shit, or don't post/say it.

2) Don't Vaguebook. For those of you who are normal, well-adjusted and don't know what this is, it's when you post something intentionally vague like, "I guess I know who my real friends are now", or "Some people are SO stupid". (Bonus points for sad face emoticons and stating multiple times in the comments that you don't want to talk about it, even though you posted it to your 2000 Facebook friends.) Social media is not your diary, if you don't want to name names or talk about it because "it's private", don't friggen' post it! It doesn't matter who or what it's about, a whole bunch of the people who see it are going to think it's about them and be mad at you. Everyone else who sees it is going to think you're a Drama Llama.

3) Not everyone has to have the same opinion as you, and they are not personally insulting you when they do something differently. So, you changed your horse's blankets 13 times today? Great! Your friend who posted that Instagram pic of her horse frolicking naked in the snow is not abusing her horse, nor is she insinuating that you abuse your horse by blanketing it. Don't go to her page and post 30 links about blankets.

4) Learn to ignore stuff. Say you come home from a busy indoor schooling session and you see some girl from the barn has just posted: "Ugh! Wish SOME people would learn to ride." Was she talking about you? Maybe. Does it matter? Nope, see item #2.  Your friend shared a coupon for Big Name feed. Doesn't she know that your other friend's roommate's cousin's brother in law had a friend whose horse died while it was eating Big Name feed? Nope, and she probably doesn't care, see # 3.

And finally.....

5) If you think everyone else is an asshole, crazy or an idiot, you are probably an asshole, crazy or an idiot. There are a lot of great people in the world, and if you can't find any of them then you are the problem. Act accordingly.

Did I miss anything?


  1. Haha an excellent guide! I would maybe have bolded #4. I was reading something yesterday where a lady had her nose out of joint over a fellow boarder using a different training method than she did and THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO THE SAME DISCIPLINE. Um wut? You're the problem, not her, lady.

    And yes. The people who "hate drama" the most are always the problem.

  2. *applause*. You said it all. I have nothing to add.

  3. Love the llama photo. And it reminds me of my two rules:
    1. if I don't want people to know I don't put it on the internet
    2. never ever respond to vague FB posts

    I would add one more thing to your post: unless someone asks you (or is paying you for) your opinion then keep it to yourself.

    1. Opinions are like assholes: Everyone has one, no one wants to hear yours.

    2. YES! I refuse to respond to vaguebooking.

  4. Hm. I think I'm an asshole. So... am I just an asshole? Or is everyone else crazy? ;)

    1. Depends. Are you cool with the other assholes, or do you think they're trying to steal your pudding?

    2. I tend to like other assholes, and appreciate their assholery.

    3. Then you're probably OK. But watch your pudding, just in case.




  7. Hah, this post is perfect! Vaguebooking is the worst!

  8. I don't want to cause drama but this is actually kinda insulting to llamas... Hahaha! LOVE this post so much!!!!

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